What do you give your wife for Christmas and her 30th birthday who you’ve scorned publicly and worldwide?

If you’re Tiger Woods, you give your deeply unimpressed wife Elin Nordegren a cool $300 million in cash so she can buy herself a little something. Hell – you could buy an entire department store chain with that.

By Valentine’s Day he would have been emptying his bank account faster than his little Capricorn Sun could have handled thanks to his dwindling sponsorships, so he “economised” with a $3 million customised sport boat for Elin, called um, Solitude so she could go diving, which is her favourite sport.

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. I’d love to see what he comes up with then. I honestly don’t think he can buy his way (or his wife back) out of this one…

Read the monthly stars for Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces.